THE SYNTAX CODE
(revised 1997)
[Excerpts]
CHAPTER 1 -- Sentences
CHAPTER 2 -- Puns
CHAPTER 3 -- Citations
CHAPTER 4 -- Judicial Guidelines
CHAPTER 5 -- Footnotes
CHAPTER 6 -- Footnotes
CHAPTER 11 -- Spelling
CHAPTER 77 -- Emoticons
CHAPTER 87 -- Subject Lines
CHAPTER 518 -- Footnote Emoticons
CHAPTER 612 -- Subject Line Footnotes
CHAPTER 613 -- Subject Line Emoticons
CHAPTER 4923 -- Combining Quotes and
Parenthenses
CHAPTER 1 -- Sentences
Section 1, Article 1,
Paragraph 1:
A sentence shall consist of a subject, a verb, and an object.
Section 1, Article 3,
Paragraph 1:
The subject, verb, or object may be implied, rather than explicitly
stated.
Section 1, Article 3,
Paragraph 2:
’Get in the carriage!' has an implied subject of
'You'.
Section 1, Article 3,
Paragraph 3:
'Jason was starving when he came across the half-empty box of
candy. He ate.' has an implied object of 'them' or 'the candies'.
Section 1, Article 3,
Paragraph 4:
'This sentence no verb.' has an implied verb of 'has'.
CHAPTER 2 -- Puns
Section 27, Article 9,
Paragraph 1:
The number of points awarded for the first use of a pun shall be 16.
Section 27, Article 9,
Paragraph 2:
Each subsequent use of that pun shall result in an additional bonus of
16 points, provided that there is no overlap between the audience for
this use of the pun, and the audiences for any previous use of the same
pun.
Section 27, Article 9,
Paragraph 3:
If there is an overlap between the current audience and any previous
audiences, the points awarded are decreased in an inverse geometric
scale. That is, if any current audience member has heard the pun
once before, the points awarded are one-half the original; twice
before, one-fourth the original; three times before, one-eighth the
original; four times before, one-sixteenth the original.
Section 27, Article 9,
Paragraph 4:
If any audience member has heard the pun five or more times previously,
no points are awarded for this current use of it.
Section 27, Article 9,
Paragraph 14:
The intentional use of a multi-layered pun results in an additional
bonus of the number of points for the original pun times the number of
layers.
Section 27, Article 9,
Paragraph 15:
The intentional use of a pun, coupled with any unintentional
multi-layering, results in an additional bonus equal to the number of
multi-layers.
Section 27, Article 9,
Paragraph 16:
In cases where the discoverer of the unintentional multi-layering is
made by the creator of the original pun, the additional bonus shall be
the number of points for the original pun times one less than the
number of layers.
CHAPTER 3 -- Citations
Section 6, Article 13,
Paragraph 1:
A syntax credit of twenty-five grammar points is earned for the first
occurrence of a citing of ones original work.
Section 6, Article 13,
Paragraph 2:
An additional syntax credit of five grammar points is earned for each
additional citation of the same original text, /except/ in the case
where the citing is being done by the original author, in which case no
additional syntax credits are accrued.
CHAPTER 4 -- Judicial Guidelines
Section 2, Article 5,
Paragraph 3:
Judges are instructed to take a demonstration of contrition and
remorse, over an instance of illegal syntax, into consideration when
imposing a fine. As a guideline, the otherwise standard penalty
should be reduced by at least half.
CHAPTER 5 -- Footnotes
Section 2, Article 1,
Paragraph 1:
A syntax credit of six grammar points can be earned through the use of
an appropriate reference, in a later footnote, to an earlier footnote
in the same missive.
Section 2, Article 4,
Paragraph 1:
When the distance between a footnote flag, and its associated footnote,
is non-artifically enlongated to an abnormally long separation, a
syntax credit of one grammar point will be awarded for each inch of
vertical separation beyond an established reasonable normal maximum
separation.
Section 2, Article 4,
Paragraph 2:
The reasonable normal maximum separation, between a footnote flag and
its associated footnote, is established to be six vertical inches.
Section 3, Article 14,
Paragraph 8:
Syntax credits shall be rewarded for the use of multiple footnotes, in
a quantity increasing with the number of footnotes, according to the
formula: 'summation from 1 to N-1, where N is the number of multiple
footnotes'. For example, with four footnotes, N would be 4, N-1
would be 3, and the summation would be 1+2+3 or 6.
Section 6, Article 3, Paragraph 2:
Three syntax credits shall be awarded for the appropriate placement of
a footnote anchor point as a stand-alone object.
Section 8, Article 1, Paragraph 1:
The presence of a footnote without an associated anchor point within
the main text shall result in a penalty of 13 syntax debits.
Section 8, Article 1, Paragraph 2:
In addition to the above, the presence of a footnote without an
associated anchor point within the main text shall also result in a
twenty-four hour period during which the writer shall be referred to as
"<appropriate honorific> Pot".
Section 8, Article 2, Paragraph 1:
The presence of a footnote mark, without an actual associated
footnote shall result in a penalty of 8 syntax debits.
Section 8, Article 2, Paragraph 2:
In addition to the above, the presence of a footnote mark, without an
actual associated footnote shall also result in a twenty-four hour
period during which the writer shall be referred to as "<appropriate
honorific> Kettle".
CHAPTER 6 -- Footnotes
Section 31, Article 14,
Paragraph 1:
A syntax credit of one grammar point per cascade level can be earned
through the usage of footnotes in response to footnotes.
[There is a currently-ongoing lawsuit whose purpose is to determine
whether or not the initial footnote is included in the cascade
count. Thus you are assured of at least one point, but will have
to wait upon the court decision to find out whether that is all you
have earned, or if instead you have earned two points. (I
apologize on behalf of the legislatures who were so sloppy in their tax
code writing.) ]
Section 31, Article 14,
Paragraph 4:
A syntax credit of three grammar points can be earned through the
simultaneous usage of footnotes and parenthetic phrases, but only if
(different) parenthetic phrases appear in both the main text and in the
footnote.
CHAPTER 11 -- Spelling
Section 8, Article 1,
Paragraph 1:
A syntax credit of two grammar points can be earned by creating a new
portmanteau word.
Section 8, Article 1,
Paragraph 2:
A syntax credit of eight grammar points can be earned through the
definition of a portmanteau word by identifying the two underlying
source words.
Section 8, Article 1,
Paragraph 3:
The originator of the portmanteau word, and the definer of the
portmanteau word, do not need to be the same person.
Section 9, Article 17,
Paragraph 1:
When a word is considered to be misspelt only because it does not match
the primary, and commonly accepted definitive spelling, but does match
a (minor or major) variant, then this is not to be construed as a
misspelling. However, five of the seven judges, in a majority
opinion, believe that the word should be "corrected" to the definitive
spelling. The first time that this condition is recognized, the
difference between the definitive word, and the variant actually used,
shall be kabalistically used to determine the number of points to be
rewarded.
CHAPTER 77 -- Emoticons
Section 3, Article 1, Paragraph 1:
A syntax credit of eight grammar points can be earned for a missive
whose entire body -- excluding salutations, signatures, etc. --
consists of only a single appropriate emoticon.
Section 3, Article 1, Paragraph 2:
The appropriateness of an emoticon employed for the purpose of the
Chapter 77, Section 3, Article 1, Paragraph 1 shall be entirely up to
the decision of the recipient of the missive.
Section 3, Article 2, Paragraph 1:
A response missive to a missive whose entire body was a single emoticon
(i.e., a missive in compliance with all the paragraphs of Chapter 77,
Section 3, Article 1) which in turn is also a single appropriate
emoticon, will gain the writer of the response a syntax credit of six
grammar points.
Section 3, Article 2, Paragraph 2:
Any subsequent reply to previous missives, of any depth, each level of
which is a single emoticon (in compliance with all other Articles and
Paragraphs of Chapter 77, Section 3), will earn each writer of each
such reply a syntax credit of four grammar points.
Section 25, Article 7,
Paragraph 1:
A syntax credit of sixteen grammar points can be earned through the
first use (invention) of a new emoticon.
Section 25, Article 7,
Paragraph 2:
Subsequent uses by the inventor are worth zero grammar points.
Section 25, Article 7,
Paragraph 3:
Subsequent uses by other writers earn royalties for the inventor of one
grammar point per use.
Section 25, Article 7,
Paragraph 4:
Inspiration for a new emoticon will entitle the inspirer to 1/3 of teh
grammar points otherwise earned by the inventor.
Section 25, Article 7,
Paragraph 5:
Initial use by an inspirer earns a royalty for the inventor of one
grammar point.
Section 25, Article 7,
Paragraph 6:
Subsequent uses by the inspirer are worth zero grammar points.
Section 25, Article 8,
Paragraph 1:
Minor variations ('variant') on existing emoticons are worth four
grammar points each for the initial user.
Section 25, Article 8,
Paragraph 2:
Subsequent uses of the variant by its inventor are worth zero grammar
points.
Section 25, Article 8,
Paragraph 3:
Subsequent uses of the variant by other writers earn royalties for the
inventor of the original emoticon of 1/2 grammar point per use.
Section 25, Article 8,
Paragraph 4:
A minor variation from an existing emoticon shall be a change in a
single character, such that both the original and the changed character
fall in the same typographical group.
Section 25, Article 8,
Paragraph 4, Clause 1:
Alphabetic Group shall be the letters A to Z, both capital and lower
case.
Section 25, Article 8,
Paragraph 4, Clause 2:
Numeric Group shall be the digits 0 through 9.
Section 25, Article 8,
Paragraph 4, Clause 3:
Bracket Group shall be '(', '[', '{', '<', ')', ']', '}', and '>'.
Section 25, Article 8,
Paragraph 4, Clause 4:
Punctuation Group shall be ',', ';', ':', '.', '!', and '?'.
Section 25, Article 8,
Paragraph 4, Clause 5:
Accent Group shall be ''', '"', '`', '~', '_', '-', and '^'.
Section 25, Article 8,
Paragraph 4, Clause 6:
Partition Group shall be '/', '\', '|'. and '&'.
Section 25, Article 8,
Paragraph 4, Clause 7:
Symbol Group shall be '@', '#', '$', '%', '*', '+', and '='.
CHAPTER 87 -- Subject Lines
Section 12, Article 3,
Paragraph 1:
A syntax credit of eight grammar points can be earned through the use
of a Subject Line dictionary look-up which results with the validation
of a successful spelling, except under the conditions outlined in
Chapter 87, Section 12, Article 3, Paragraph 2.
Section 12, Article 3,
Paragraph 2:
The frivolous lookup of common words, resulting in a trivial validation
of successful spelling, is deemed a "foul", and results in the loss of
sixteen grammar points. The Judges' ruling, on whether or not a
particular word is frivolous, is final.
Section 12, Article 3,
Paragraph 3:
A syntax credit of two grammar points can be earned through the use of
a Subject Line dictionary look-up which results in the correction of an
unsuccessful spelling.
CHAPTER 518 -- Footnote
Emoticons
Section 12, Article 3,
Paragraph 1:
A syntax credit of nine grammar points can be earned through being the
first person to have the entire contents of a footnote taken up by a
single emoticon.
Section 12, Article 3,
Paragraph 2:
A syntax credit of four grammar points per emoticon can be earned
through being the first person to have the entire contents of a
footnote taken up by multiple, non-repeating emoticons; provided that
all such emoticons apply meaningfully to the footnoted text.
CHAPTER 612 -- Subject Line Footnotes
Section 1, Article 1,
Paragraph 1:
A syntax credit of five grammer points can be earned through the use of
a Footnote, anchored in the Subject Line, and referenced in the text of
the missive.
Section 2, Article 1,
Paragraph 1:
All other Footnote rules, as per Chapters 5 & 6, shall apply to
Footnotes in the Subject Line.
Section 6, Article 1,
Paragraph 1:
A syntax credit of twenty-five grammar points shall be earned through
the use of a Footnote, anchored in the text of the missive, and
referenced in the Subject Line.
Section 6, Article 1,
Paragraph 2:
The presence of the Footnote reference in the Subject Line must make
sense within the context of both the Missive as a whole and of its
Subject Line.
CHAPTER 613 -- Subject Line
Emoticons
Section 3, Article 7,
Paragraph 1:
A syntax credit of seventeen grammar points can be earned through the
first-time use, within a specific paired correspondence, of an emoticon
in the subject line.
Section 3, Article 7,
Paragraph 2:
A syntax credit of three grammar points can be earned through the
first-time use, by each side of a specific paired correspondence, of an
emoticon in the subject line.
Section 3, Article 7,
Paragraph 3:
No syntax credits will be given for an emoticon in the subject line,
when its presence there is merely the result of a reply to an earlier
missive.
Section 3, Article 7,
Paragraph 4:
The credits of Chapter 613, Section 3, Article 7, Paragraph 1, and
Chapter 613, Section 3, Article 7, Paragraph 2, are cumulative.
Section 3, Article 7,
Paragraph 5:
A one-time syntax credit of five grammar points can be earned for the
first use, within a specific paired correspondence, of a footnoted
emoticon in a subject line.
CHAPTER 4923 -- Combining
Quotes and Parenthenses
Section 1, Article 1,
Paragraph 13:
A syntax credit of thirteen grammar points can be earned through the
use of quotes within parentheses. A syntax credit of fifteen
grammar points can be earned through the use of parentheses within
quotes. However, if more than two instances of these constructs appear
within any one document, the credits from the excess instances can only
be used to offset penalty grammar points incurred elsewhere within that
same document.