$T  --  (in one's copious) $pare Time

:)~ or )~     --    Pffffffttt!!!!!  

:\    --     Half-joking

^.^    --     meow

--  I've Come To Drink Your Blood

--  vampire bat

(Mmmm~mmmM)     --     chocolate-covered tongue in cheeks

  --  zipping one's mouth shut

(~)     --     Sarcasm    (i.e. tongue in cheeks)

(oo)    --     rolling eyes

)=(    --     feigned surprise

]~[   --     bite my tongue

]]~[[    --     bite your tongue

[¿]  --  rhetorical

[{}]    --     Hands over Ears

[?0?]    --     "no idea"  or  "good question"  or  "don't ask me"

[@55]    --     warning: never assume...

[]    --     Deliberately No "tone of voice" Adjustment

>F<  --  fingers crossed

}F  --  finger to nose

{13}  --  triskaidekaphilia

[777]  --  "I hope I didn't just jinx it"  OR  lucky slot machine sevens

[D]    --    didn't  look right as it was originally typed; and dictionary.com corrected it to this

[d]   --    wasn't sure, so looked up on dictionary.com, and was correct after all

[!d!]    --    a startingly correct spelling

[*D*]    --     it was so far off that you probably wouldn't have been able to guess the intended word

[I]     --     information obtained or corrected after internet lookup

[i]    --    information verified by internet lookup

[p]     --     probably should have checked it, but didn't feel like bothering

[Q]    --     an invented word

[q]    --    it is spelled correctly, but for some reason dictionary.com doesn't think so

[Q!]    --    A really invented word.

/MT\    --     sherpa

--  cf  P.L.A.N.

[d2e]    --     double entendre

[p&k]    --     pot and kettle (pot calling the kettle 'black')

<urc><urc>NFL[<urc>...]    --     STUPID NFL
                                        (where "<urc>" stands for "upper row character"